The Lemon Meringue Pie

As the reader will no doubt remember, the probability of a Lemon Meringue Pie (hereinafter, LMP) appearing in the castle of the Great Grumpy Z was forecast recently as "never again". Now this would probably be to the longer life benefit of the Great Grumpy, but tastebuds never forget that delicious aroma and the mouth-watering flavor of the Grand Mother's (aka, First Wife's) LMP. So any reprieve is always welcomed by the Great Grumpy!

It was therefore somewhat of a surprise to the Great Grumpy, when he noted the preparations for making of LMP in the Grand Mother's kitchen this past Saturday. Unwittingly, the Great Grumpy uttered some phrase or word which instantly illicited the Grand Mother's infamous pronouncement: "OK, that's it!!" (Ed.Note1:--This phrase usually means that a penalty is about to follow.) She continued, "I was going to make you a LMP, but now you can forget it!!" (Ed. Note 2: -- Forget it? Forget it? How could anyone forget the LMP of the Grand Mother!?)

But, with all the cleverness developed through my vast experience in understanding the Grand Mother, the Great Grumpy meekly acknowledged his wrong-doing (unintended though it was!), pleaded for forgiveness (which was summarily rejected, as usual) and stood by to assist the Grand Mother in anyway she might desire.

Her first request was to be taken to the grocery store for "some supplies, and I'm going to get what I want and I don't want any comments out of you!", she stated emphatically. As I always(?) try to do, I obeyed immediately, opening the car door and holding it as I "usually" do, but this time making a special effort not to slam it closed until she had her leg inside.

As I was helping put away the groceries upon returning home, I noted three (3) lemons. "What are the lemons for?" I asked, smugly aware that three lemons happens to be the exact amount required to make the famous LMP. I had her trapped! I had won!!

Her reply, however, shocked me out of my sensibilities, "I'm going to bake a LMP for Harry!"

Now I was aware that our oldest son, Ward Harry, was to be in the Pacific Northwest the week of 9-12 July 2007. I also was aware that a LMP does not keep well -- at least around here! -- for more than three or four days, at the most. I rather haughtily explained this to her, with the added comment that "they don't keep in the freezer, either!"

Undaunted, the Grand Mother put me in my place with, "Just you wait and see!" I retreated to the background while she wielded the rolling pin -- she was using it on the pie dough, but you can never tell what might happen if a Norwegian with a rolling pin gets upset at you!

I tried to soothe her hurt feelings and get myself back in her good graces by de-zesting the lemons and squeezing the juice from them. I even rinsed and drained the juicer, and, as is my habit, more or less followed her instructions as to how it should properly be done.

A couple hours later, the Grand Mother called me to the kitchen. She pointed to the two pies which had been out of the oven just long enough to cool down sufficiently to cut a piece. I thought she was going to forgive me and beg me to eat one of them right then and there! I was elated.

Instead, she asked, "Please, could you get a picture of these pies? I think they are especially beautiful, don't you? See how that meringue stands up! Don't you think that one on the left looks like a flower?" As I was taking the pictures, the Grand Mother was getting out the dessert plates and glasses, and the milk to drink with the LMP.

What a memorable day!!

But what a miserable night -- note the vanquished pie -- it was a two-Tums stomach ache that night. The Great Grumpy can never exercise moderation when it comes to eating the Grand Mother's Lemon Meringue Pie.